You know, be my cock's hype man.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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