We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
