Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
