but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
