He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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