it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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