Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
