Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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