Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
