you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
