I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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