you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
