my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
