i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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