I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
