I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
