The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
