Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The feeling are messing with the penis
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
