she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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