Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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