i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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