what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
