Buhtt sex?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
