When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
