Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
