I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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