8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
