i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
