I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
