you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
