I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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