Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
