I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
