i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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