I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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