i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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