You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
