If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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