I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
