Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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