Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
