Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
