so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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