He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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