you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He passed out mid-signature
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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