She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
