I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
