That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
