you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
