My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
