so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
