thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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