he shaved USA in his pubs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
