Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
