i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
