dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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