omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
