All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
