i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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