ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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