she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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