I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
