So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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