i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
