it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
