He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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