I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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